廣告第一句:
This ad has been purchased with donations from 3,621 Taiwanese citizens.
評析:
──中文都講「買廣告」、「買廣告」,所以才有這句台式英文。英文的「買廣告」動詞不是用purchase,而是用sponsor(贊助),而且時態也不能用現在完成式。此外,citizen是多餘的字。修改後成為
This ad is sponsored by 3,621 Taiwanese who made small donations to our cause.(此廣告是由3,621位對我們的理想做小額捐款的台灣人所贊助。)
正文第一句:At 4am on March 19th, 2014, 400 students occupied the Legislative Yuan in Taiwan to protest the Service Trade Agreement with China.
評析:關於「佔領立法院」的正確說法,已經於前PO說明過,不再多作解釋。在英文裡面,你進入不屬於你的建築物,就得用break into,雖然有不好的暗示,但事實就是事實,不容打迷糊仗。修改後如下:
Four hundred Taiwanese college students broke into their parliament building at 4 a.m., March 19, and occupied the floor of the parliament to protest the government’s service trade agreement with China.
第二句:The Agreement raises national security implications and poses major risks to Taiwan’s economy.
評析:
──agreement 不用大寫。
──raise與implications不是搭配語,有兩種改法:raises national security concerns 或是 has national security implications。我採用前者。
──poses major risks to Taiwan’s economy用了現在簡單式,表示這已經是事實,問題是服貿還沒實施呢,哪來「事實」可言?反服貿人士可用未來式表示擔憂,但不可用現在式來描寫「預期發生」的事情。修改後成為
The agreement has raised national security concerns and is expected to pose major risks to Taiwan’s economy.
當然,這句的主觀意識我沒有辦法改他。你說服貿有國安危機,後文並沒有舉例說明,而對台灣經濟有何重大危害,後文也沒有說明。對讀者來說,這句話是無佐證的「一面之詞」。
