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3. To meet the unique needs of the elderly, the company designed a cell phone specifically for seniors, which has big buttons and large color displays.
評析:中式英文很喜歡把副詞(單字、片語、子句等)擺在句首,尤其是關於時間與地點的副詞,因為中文常是如此。但英文一般會把表時間﹑地點﹑目的等副詞片語或子句放在句子中間或最後面。此外,老人的「特殊需求」不算 unique(獨特),所以只能說 “special needs”。罕見疾病病友的需求才是 “unique needs”。手機螢幕口語會說 “screen” , “display” 是產業界的專業說法。句中提到的 cell phone 是單數,一支手機應該只有「一面」螢幕,所以螢幕不可用複數字尾s。
此外,此地的形容詞子句用法有重大問題,我來仔細說明一下:
形容詞子句前面有逗點,代表兩種意義:
(1) 關係代名詞代替前面「整句」意義,例如:Tracy doesn't like John, which is obvious because she never talks to him. (which 代表前面 Tracy doesn't like John 這整件事)
(2) 先行詞定義明確,形容詞子句作用為「補充說明」先行詞的意義,關係代名詞代替逗點前方的名詞/先行詞,例如:Ed always entertains his guests at Little Caesar, which serves the best pizza in town. (which 代表逗點前方定義明確的先行詞 Little Caesar)
好,現在來看這一句。就意義觀之,句子中的 which 當然不會是代表前面整句,所以就應該是代表先行詞。但問題來了:在逗點正前方的名詞是 seniors。which 是用來替代 seniors 嗎?顯然不是,因為意義說不通。which 要取代的,應該是更前方的 cell phone 才對。補救方案:把 specifically for seniors(其實為贅字)拿掉,which 才得以正確地代表逗點前方的 cell phone,意義也更清楚。修改後成為
"The company designed a cell phone, which has big buttons and a large color screen, for elderly people in order to meet their special needs."
若要強調目的,或可寫成
"To meet the special needs of elderly people, the company designed a cellphone with big buttons and a large color screen."
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